Check Your Self Care
“Self care is a deliberate choice to gift yourself with people, places, things, events and opportunities that recharge your personal battery and promote whole health - body, mind, and spirit.” - Laurie Buchanan
Although he’s modest about it, my dad is a pretty handy guy. He jokingly refers to himself as “a jack of all trades, but a master of none.” In the years since I bought my house, he’s helped me with fixing up my bathroom, replacing light fixtures, building a fire pit and a deck in my backyard, and he even helped me take a closet and window out of my office space to install a back door! I’ve learned a lot of skills from my dad during my time as a homeowner, but there are two that I consider the most fundamental. First, you always need to have the right tools on hand for each project. Second, very few projects can be completed with just one tool. When my dad built my deck, he didn’t just use a hammer or a screwdriver. He used a drill, measuring tape, a variety of saws, vise grips, and more. Can you imagine if he’d tried to complete the entire project with just a hammer? He’d never have finished the job! Each tool he used was necessary to complete the finished product.
Even if you have only the most basic understanding of home repair, this all sounds like common sense, right? But when it comes to our self-care practices, we tend to lean on one or two familiar self-care tools, even if they aren’t the healthiest or most effective in dealing with the stressors at hand. We keep going back to these self-care tools because they’re convenient, easily accessible, or they’ve been effective for us in the past. However, if we don’t change up or expand on our self-care tool kit, we risk staying stuck in a rut or making our stressors worse.
To illustrate this, I’ll use a relatable self-care tool for most of us: Netflix. (Or insert whatever streaming platform you prefer – no judgement here!) Watching your favorite Netflix show to unwind and take your mind off a difficult day at work can be an effective method of self-care. However, disappearing into a binge watch of your favorite show can be used to avoid thinking through and planning that difficult conversation with your boss or coworker, or avoid making a plan to leave a toxic job environment and search for a better one. See the difference? In one situation, the self-care tool was used to lower stress, while in the other the same self-care tool was used to avoid dealing with a stressor.
How do we figure out how healthy and effective our self-care tools are in each situation? A good rule of thumb is to honestly check in with yourself and see how you feel while using or after you are using that tool. Is it helping you to recharge or helping you to avoid taking action on something? Does getting together with friends for a drink or a meal help you unwind so you can clear your mind and confront that simmering issue with your spouse or partner? Or are you filling your schedule with another outing with friends to avoid confronting your significant other and the discomfort that a difficult conversation may bring?
Still struggling to tell the difference? Here’s another vital self-care tool to add to your tool belt: self-awareness. One of the simplest ways to practice self-awareness is to pause, take a breath, and check in with how you honestly feel. If you’re wanting to meet up with your friends to calm your mind, get some perspective to help you better confront that issue with your spouse, you’re most likely utilizing that outing with your friends as a good self-care tool to equip you to deal with the issue at hand. if you’re anxious and wanting to rush out of the house to meet with your friends so you can avoid talking to your spouse before they come home from work, it’s more likely you’re using your night out with friends to avoid dealing with the stressor all together.
Practicing the self-care tool of self-awareness takes practice, so be kind to yourself if you have trouble tapping in to your emotional awareness at first. Look at the times where you use the wrong self-care tool or misjudge your own emotions as learning opportunities to help you choose and discern more effectively next time. Instead of binging that favorite Netflix show to deal with a hefty problem, try a walk to clear your mind or call a trusted friend or family member that will help you talk it through. You can even try journaling or writing down a pros and cons list or action plan to process your thoughts out on paper for you to refer back to. By diversifying and trying out other healthy self-care tools beyond those that we already use, we will feel more equipped to deal with whatever life throws at us.
Last but certainly not least, don’t be afraid to ask for help when needed. Therapists, other helping professionals, or even a good friend or family member can all be great outlets for a fresh perspective on a tough problem. Teachers in life come in so many forms, and can help us see things in ways we never would have on our own. Trust me, if not for my handyman dad, I probably still wouldn’t know the difference between a Phillips and a flathead screwdriver.
Want to talk more about learning about or improving your self-care tools? Give me a call at (605)-271-3364 to schedule a session!
